


I can do anything

by DorianWilde



Series: Two times team-Torchwood acted unprofessionally and one time Jack quoted a Disney movie [2]
Category: Glee, Torchwood
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Drama, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Humour, M/M, Romance, janto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-26
Updated: 2013-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-13 01:58:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/818619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DorianWilde/pseuds/DorianWilde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt finds himself in the middle of an alien invasion. Green men with guns and freaking horns. Luckily, team Torchwood happens to be in the neighborhood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can do anything

Full title:  **Two times team- _Torchwood_  acted unprofessionally, and  ~~one time they didn't~~  one time Jack quoted a Disney movie**

Kurt was in the middle of an alien invasion. Yup. Green men with guns and freaking horns. One moment he'd been in the middle of getting pushed around by Karofsky and Azismo, the next they'd been running for cover from the blasters, walls and lockers exploding around them.

 

 _I will never again complain about my life being boring,_ he vowed as Mr Schue hurriedly locked the door to the choir room. Kurt wasn't one for praying, but just this once he sent a quiet prayer to his mum.

 

-'-'-

 

Kurt was bored. Terrified, but still bored.

 

_Confusing combination._

 

The eight of them, Mercedes, Finn, Rachel, Tina, Mr Schue, Azismo, Karofsky and Kurt, were huddling together by one of the walls. They'd been trapped in the choir room for three hours, unable to go outside as the aliens had taken the hallways of _McKinley_. Rachel had to be physically restrained by Finn to keep from pacing while drawing panicky breaths, fanning herself with her hands.

 

As she'd done for the first half an hour, driving Kurt, and most likely everyone else, to the point of handing her over the the aliens.

 

Mercedes was writing her will, Tina was worrying about Artie and mr Schue kept checking his watch. Wonderfully enough, Karofsky and Azismo kept quiet, not even muttering a joke about anal-probes or the like.

 

They'd turned their cellphones off, unsure if the aliens could somehow use the signal to track them. Mr Schue caught his gaze, giving him a small smile he returned. They all jumped when someone _something_ checked the door, the handle rattling softly. Mr Schue got up, standing in front of them.

 

Which was completely ridiculous, but Kurt appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

 

The lock clicked and all Kurt could think was _I've never been kissed._

 

“Everyone okay?” a suit clad _human_ man asked softly, accent unfamilliar, holding the door open for his four companions. The relief was big enough to drown out the fright for a few moments.

 

“Minor wounds and bruising,” mr Schue answered guardedly. “Who are you?”

 

“ _Torchwood_ ,” a man in a grey great coat said, gently closing the door, locking it. “We specialize in aliens.” He was gorgeous. There was an overload of gorgeous men in the room and suddenly Kurt didn't mind the invasion at all.

 

_Good thing I'm not shallow._

 

Suit guy was cute, Kurt loved well clad men and his eyes were stunning.

 

The guy in the great coat was positively the most handsome man Kurt had ever seen. Ever. E-v-e-r. Like in his entire life.

 

_Coherent thoughts. Right._

 

The third guy was... not that handsome, which was fine, Kurt didn't think he could handle more than the first two.

 

“Seems you were right, Jack,” one of the women, Japanese or Chinese Kurt guessed, said with a pronounced British accent.  “This room has the best cover.” She began fiddling with a bunch of equipment, setting up a small workstation centred around her laptop. It was all very sci-fi.

 

“Great!” Handsome coat-man, Jack, beamed. “Owen, examine the injured just in case there are any contaminations in the air we don't know about.” Not that handsome guy, apparently Owen, nodded shortly. “Ianto, help Tosh.” Suit guy nodded, pulling out another laptop from his bag as he crossed the room. “Gwen, keep an eye on the outside.”

 

“Sure,” woman-in-serious-need-of-a-makeover, Gwen, said, striding over to one of the windows, angling the blinds enough to let her have an overview of the outside.

 

“I can't die of some alien virus,” Rachel hissed. “My light is far too bight to be extinguished now before the world has had the pleasure of adoring me!” Owen gave her an unimpressed look, pulling out a small machine from his bag, reminding Kurt a bit of a price gun. Owen scanned them with the machine, checking the readings carefully, before cleaning the scrapes with antiseptics and administering some bandaids, assuring them and Jack they weren't infected by anything.

 

_Thank god._

 

Meanwhile, the rest of the team worked in silence, the tapping from the keyboards Ianto and Tosh were typing on the only sound in the room.

 

“Okay, I think we've managed to hack into their systems,” Tosh said after a few minutes. “Let's see what info we can get-”

 

“-and what mayhem we can wreck!” Gwen finished, looking sheepish when everyone turned to stare. “Sorry, spur of the moment. Never mind.”

 

_Right._

 

“I'm sending in a slight disturbance so they can't take off,” Ianto said, brow furrowing in concentration.

 

“Great.” Jack leaned over Tosh's shoulder. “ _Jwan'dees_? Huh, haven't seen any of those in ages,” he muttered. “Once went on a camping trip with a _Jwan'dee_. Interesting to say the least. Never did find out what happened to that poor cow. Not sure what they're doing here, though,” he frowned.

 

“Please tell me you didn't sleep with it,” Owen sighed.

 

“Brokeback Mountain, lizard style,” Ianto sniggered. His accent made Kurt's toes curl a bit.

 

“For your information I had my own tent. And earplugs. My _god_ they snore.” Jack made a face. “Besides, John told me they hog the covers.” He grinned unrepentantly at the rest of the teams sceptical looks and eye-rolls. “Trigger happy fucks, though, so we better be careful,” he warned.

 

“Trigger happy?” Tina gasped. “Artie's out there,” she whimpered, like she hadn't repeated that two hundred times already. In the last hour.

 

“We didn't see any bodies on our way here,” Tosh said. “Um, if that's any comfort?” she asked, looking a bit apologetic.

 

“Unless they eat their victims whole,” Ianto said under his breath. The Americans turned towards him, startled.

 

“They don't,” Jack said firmly. “They're vegans.” They all quieted down as the sound of heavy footsteps could be heard from the corridor outside. The _Jwan'dees_ were talking, though Kurt didn't recognize the language consisting mostly of grunting. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest, trying to collect himself and stop the trembling. Everyone turned to Jack who seemed to be listening intently.

 

“Hm. Seems like they landed on the wrong planet. They'll be off soon,” he murmured, frowning. “They've got hostages to ensure they're allowed to leave, but they'll-”

 

“What?” Tina flew up, rushing to the door.

 

“Stop!” Jack and My Schue called in unison, but to no avail. Tina threw open the door, just as Ianto reached her.

 

“Artie!” she called desperately. Ianto threw her back into the room just as a shot rang out, making him stagger.

 

“Ianto!” Jack caught him, handing him over to Owen who stood right behind him. Mr Schue was restraining a hysterical Tina sobbing “I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” over and over. Jack ran into the corridor, closely followed by Gwen, Tosh guarding the door, gun drawn.

 

-'-'-

 

It took Owen a few minutes to get the bullet out. Ianto refused painkillers until the mission was over, unwilling to slow down his reflexes. Kurt really wanted to look away, instead finding himself gawking next to Finn.

 

_That looks so painful. That looks sooo painful. That looks so painful oh my god how long is he going to poke around in there?_

 

He breathed out in relief when the doctor finally got to the part where he began cleaning and bandaging the wound. He'd just fastened it when Tosh called out a quiet warning. Owen helped Ianto to his feet, both of them hurrying over to Tosh, slipping out the door. There were sounds of a gunfight, Kurt felt sick to his stomach, thankful when Rachel took his hand linking their fingers together. It was over rather quickly, other human voices calling out to the _Torchwood-_ team, most likely helping them subdue the threat _._

 

“Coast clear,” Gwen said, blood on her cheek. “CIA's alien division has _finally_ arrived.”

 

“None to soon,” Tosh sighed, also coming back in, trailed by Jack and a very pale Ianto. “Honestly, we were only supposed to go on a few seminars,” she complained as she holstered her gun. It felt weird seeing _a real gun._ He didn't like it one bit.

 

“No casualties,” Gwen told them, smiling, showing off a small gap between her front teeth. “The hostages are perfectly fine. Now come on. Let's get you outside, they're counting in the students.” Kurt obediently followed her, walking down the hall still holding Rachel's hand, a sense of surreality surrounding him. The soldiers walking around carrying large firearms only helped in making Kurt feel a bit... detached from the situation.

 

“Shit,” he breathed. “Forgot my phone,” he told Finchel, dashing back to get it, just in case his dad called. He stopped just outside the door, realizing the room was still occupied.

 

Ianto was sitting on one of the chairs, Jack kneeling in front of him.

 

“Hey,” Jack said softly, touching Ianto's sweaty cheek. “You scared me.”

 

“Sorry. I'll try to be shot less frightening next time,” Ianto promised, eyes never leaving Jack's.

 

“That'd be great,” Jack smiled. “Or you could, you know, not get shot at all?” he suggested, squeezing his hand briefly.

 

“How about stabbed?” Ianto asked, lip quirking up.

 

“No.”

 

“How about-”

 

“No. Morbid fuck, aren't you?” Jack snorted, helping Ianto get to his feet, not letting go of him once they were standing.

 

“See it as a compliment,” Ianto snarked. Jack kissed him, and Kurt suddenly felt very warm and fuzzy inside. Breaking apart they kept their arms around each other, Jack rubbing Ianto's back gently, pressing a tender kiss to his hair.

 

Kurt straightened his shoulders. Karofsky and the other neanderthals could say whatever they wanted about nellys and whimpy faggots, but Kurt would always know they'd been saved by two guys just like him.

 

_I can do anything._


End file.
